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Weeding Out the Fakes
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Weeding Out the Fakes
For those of us that have been on these sites for a while, the challenge has always been how to know the person (or couple) at the other end is real! We have been stung. Kat spent some time chatting a laughing on line with a couple we were sure were real and then BANG! Makes you very suspicious! The other site we are on gives you an opporunity to get a testimonial from those you have met! We use that option and its has worked. If you see a profile that is actively searching for 2 years and has no testimonials...odds are!!!!
Also we request and trade a pic or each of us holding up the other persons handle on a sheet of paper. Works!! There is of course also the CAM! Make sure both of the people in the profile are on cam also!
There is also the meeting! Now we have never done this without having gone through the options above unless of course they are in the club with us. We all have busy lives and only so much time for meeting...why would I take the chance that you are not who you say you are! Or maybe you're the creeper in the corner watching!
So anyways, if any of you have any other ideas...or can put up a testimonial in here about someone you know...lets go! |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
SwingTowns has that same capability. Look for the following on your profile:
"Who We Met Offline (Beta)
Did We Meet You Offline?
Leave Us Feedback"
This is where you will find/add feedback.
Cheers!
SwingTowns.
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RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
Some great tips! I too use tools such as the testimonials, ratings, or validations. I also look at things such as mutual friends we may have in common....ask them if they've had good experiences as well as look at other communications such as forum posts, just to get an idea about their personality.
Sharon |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
Holding up a piece of paper with a username in a pic, tell me nothing really, seeing someone on cam simply allows one to see what a person looks like but as far as being "real" swingers, it doesn't tell me that. I think the "feedback" feature is an excellent tool to get a good idea as to someone actually meeting offline as well as the "who we met offline" feature.
For us, chatting in the forums gives us the most insight and information into someone else. We see how they respond to certain questions and it gives us a feel of the type of person they are. Meeting offline then isn't like meeting a stranger, it makes the process easier.
Smooches,
Gin |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
I have used this with a few people I have met from here. This is a great way to let people know that the person in question IS REAL. I try to leave a comment as well.
Sharon |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
I so agree Gary. I just live a generic comment if anything. Personal details on events are not meant to be public.
Sharon |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
WOW! Was not expecting so many replies so fast! We are fairly new to this lifestyle (Oct/10) so it's great to hear the ideas of others. Keep them coming people!
Kev & Kat |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
licmy we are also friend on your other site and think you and the misses talked. that more her site for chat ,,,,i like to email and use this site more,, we do do some meet and greets and i have invited many here but few show up but there is the few ,so its a start..we are now going for the house party thing and are having the no shows (our partys are non-pressure)and i make that clear ...so i guess our thing for finding fakes is if you invite and they are no show 3 time there out
R&R |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
We pretty much stick to locals and still the best way to weed those ones out are by face-to-face meetings. People have to supply us with their pics and names and then we meet in a semi-public place like a non-busy pool hall or bar to meet and feel the couples out. We are friends with people abroad as well, but we maintain long term discussions with the ones that really seem interested and if they ever come out here we will welcome them like any other friends.
We (and most of our members) only play with people in our group, or who we know are in one of the other groups here. You can only get into the group by meeting with one of the management couples first. We don't expose anyone new to our members until that has happened. they have to be who they say they are, conversation has to show they at least "know" what the lifestyle is about (especially if they say they are new), and in most cases you can weed out the "crazies" before it gets too far.
The managers have a set of questions that we usually follow, but we try play them into conversation as naturally as possible. Some of my past Meyers/Briggs training helps me read people at these meetings as well.
IMO, the safest way to meet people for semi-regular play, is (a) through a group/club that screens members, or (b) from face-to-face meetings with people as many times as you think is necessary before you feel comfortable. We have gone as long as 3 months of meetings with couples in the past before ever playing with someone, and they were all very enjoyable dinners, pool hall, social type events.
IMO, people that show up and just want you to drop 'em and play are not the kind of people that really turn out to be long lasting playmates; so if they are pushy and not willing to let a friendship grow then likely they are not going to be real swingers either.
Licmy, we have welcomed you to the lifestyle when you first joined here and we conversed a bit, but you never did decide to come out to meet us and talk about the group. If that is something you would like to follow up on, we are open to a casual meeting of your choice. |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
I am not a fan of web cams...worry someone maybe taking photos of the computer or videos of the computer screen and posting it out there in the public...we are not ashamed of this lifestyle but we are very private people and nervous of what may surface. Very hard to know who to trust or who to give our time to. So interested in finding that perfect match or matches that can lead to great friendship...lots of laughs...good times.....and the much needed security in privacy. Haven had much luck yet...lots of leads then we find its only a guy.. grrrr...but thats all part of it I guess...so here's to patience...timing...the right connections and well....whatever comes next..
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RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
we extended the same invite to you peitho, as we do to all manitobans. The group is about socializing and friends as much as play. Pretty sure we sent you a welcome when you joined as well. |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
Hi gnu2this. Yes you did send us an invite which was appreciated. As we listed in our other topic we decided to join the WCSC group in Winnipeg. I know there are others but based on what we were looking for and after investigating we chose that one.
And I never really thought about someone recording our cam Peitho! Hmmmm! Guess we have to stick with sending us a picture of the two of them holding up a sign with our name on it! The only way other than meeting that I can see working. Or just stick to those in the club but we luv to meet new people! It's part of the fun!
Kev & Kat
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RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
My advice would be to join several groups, even if the group is far away. You never know who may be in a group that may know someone near you, besides, making distant friends isn't a bad thing.
The absolute only way to know if a person is real is to meet them! It doesn't matter if they are viewed on cam, holding a sign with their names, (which is silly, I think) you will not know for sure if they are real and what you are looking for. As previously stated, being here in the forums will give you a great idea as to who people are as well as who is real and isn't. There are several groups more active than others so don't sell yourself short by only communicating with those in the group you are a member of.
Best of Luck!
Gin |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
Ya the cam thing gets me nervous...not a paranoid person or anything but I do have two teenagers who I am sure would be extremly horrified if they ever came across me and their dad on some you tube thing...I would ruin my relationship with them for sure. The ability to do just about anything with computers these days is amazing...I agree meeting in person sounds like the best...just dont go alone take your partner and if that other couple does not show...well you enjoy a romantic night out with your honey :)
After talking a few times on here or MSN I am sure helps and yup probably if your serious a pic with perhaps any kind of item in your hand to prove its you would work...could be fun ..could send the couple on an outing to maybe your local store and tell them to take a pic standing by the milk or something...lol pics with clothing on probably the safest bet. |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
Hey came across this great article...thought I should add it:
How to weed out the fakes on swinger websites
by Anne Curvey
They're here, they're there, and they're everywhere! Since swinger websites were created giving us the ability to post personal information on free services like Yahoo and Hotmail, there have always been fakes. This article could easily be about how we are tricked into doing things and getting and giving personal information -- that would be a whole story in itself. But it's not, this article is solely about people who are on swinger websites that are "fakes."
At one time or another everyone has encountered a fake, probably more than once, while searching websites. Why do people do this? Why do people pretend to be something they're not? For entertainment of course! You have to remember and think outside of the box.
The computer is a wonderful interactive tool that can be used for information, research, solicitation, and yes fun. Fun is the key word here and it's what drives fakes to do what they do. They find it fun to fool you into thinking that they are real. Interaction with you is amusing and if you fall for it, maybe you will let them see some of your most intimate pictures so they in turn can save them for later use with another gullible person.
Fakes love online chat rooms and that's where a majority of them find their victims. The key to protecting yourself from being lured into chatting with a "fake" is to think with your proper head. The male of a couple can often lose their head if they see a picture of a really good-looking couple with a very hot lady, especially if the couple is showing interest. Be aware of sudden come-ons from a sexy couple where they both look like models, it could be a red flag that something is wrong. It could be someone pretending to be a couple and even worse, using stolen pictures.
Internet browsers should read a person's entire profile before writing or responding to an email or an IM. A person setting up a fake profile might make a mistake such as including an unrealistic age or have comments such as "husband plays alone with wives approval." A careful review of the profile might reveal things that simply don't add up.
Another cause of suspicion is an online community profile containing professional-looking pictures. If a page contains professional pictures, they could have been downloaded from an online modeling website or scanned from a magazine. If the people on the profile were actually models, don't you think they would mention that they were featured on a certain website? Or perhaps make mention of an official website as their homepage or a cool link.
Before meeting someone from the Internet in person, some helpful steps might be a telephone conversation or seeing them live on a web cam. Telephone conversations are an excellent way of gauging a couple's character and personality. If the couple contacts you first, they shouldn't have a problem giving you a phone number if you ask nicely. Ask them what is the best time to call and speak to both of them. Be cautious if the wife is never around. It could be a single guy or even a married guy, just trying to get lucky. Live web cams are another excellent means of verifying that you are dealing with a real people. Web cams are very inexpensive, easy to install and can save you a lot of time.
Things that should raise a question of doubt when checking profiles:
No picture on the profile -- If there is no picture on the profile, ask them to email you one -- if they are not willing to do that, just move on.
Refusal to answer simple questions -- They respond with nothing but demands and offer nothing in return.
A low reply percentage rate -- Anything below 60 % could be an indication that you are not dealing with a serious swinger.
No recommendations -- No one knows them or has played with them because they either don't exit or they never play. They are time wasters.
The ad sounds like a porn ad -- If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Pictures are too perfect -- Pictures look like they have been taken off a porn site.
Ads are too short -- That doesn't mean that people aren't real. It just means that they didn't put enough thought or effort into their ad and may not be serious about getting responses.
Perfect profile with pictures of a couple -- Be aware if the husband says he has permission from the wife to play alone or the wife is on vacation in Amsterdam and won't be back until 2006. |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
Ironically enough, we sometimes wonder if we are one of those fakes...it's just one of those things. We have done swapping with friends, so we know we enjoy the experience, we just have never done anything with people from the site. Mind you, we've only been on for about 2 months.
We have agreed that the wife will determine if we play, and she will only play with couples that she has chatted with and has become "friends" with. That gives her a comfort level to flirt and go from there. She also loves to chat, dance and socialize, as our profile says; we do truly want to make friends first, so before we chat with anyone, we put everything upfront and give expectations.
We have already made a couple of nice friends that we know that when we do meet up, even if nothing sexual happens, we would have a great time together.
I'm a web consultant, so I'm very cautious of who we cam with (because of video capture) and I know how a lot of sites get their content :(, so chatting, video conferencing without any sexual overtone is what we do to establish a comfort level. Is it 100% full proof...no, but it works for us, since we won't do anything unless we've seen and spoken to both partners.
D&J
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RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
This like trying to get a job with no experience and no one will hire you because you have no experience. No validations for poor 'ol piace because no one wants to meet me because I have no validations and blah, blah, blah. The truth is, as a single male, I am truly wasting my time. But I completely understand what you bona fide swingers are going through. There are fakes and flakes and just plain weirdos you have to contend with and that can't be easy. The fakes and creeps have made it impossible for me to meet anyone, ever via the ST connection -- thanks a lot. I have never been disrespectful to anyone and not only understand, but completely accept the fact that you don't want to meet me -- I wouldn't either, based on all the bullshit that goes on, something I have gleaned from the forum and chat room discussions. I'm thinking the only way to weed out the flakes is to meet and run as fast as you can if the person/couple is obviously too weird for your comfort. And that is a waste of time. But I think a waste of time just goes with an activity like this. I've been told over and over to "be patient." I think it's good advice only nobody seems to know how many years it will take on ST to actually meet someone. My one year is up in a month, thankfully. Hang in there all and happy swinging!!!!! |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
We understand the frustration when it comes to the fake couple thing...we just take our time and right those who we are interested in....period! So if those people turn out to be fake then we move on. the swinging thing is a place for real people with real sexual hungers, and trying to find that perfect match is in it self a losing battle. We feel that the writing back and forth is getting boring...write a few times and meet. This will be the only way to really capture who people really are....and thats a face to face to meeting. And if they do not show up...well you and your partner have a few drinks and enjoy the outing anyway.
Shannon&Maurie |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
We don't get into the cam thingy, basically because we just don't enjoy it but also as D&J stated, there is a risk there. But we do realize that swinging is not without risks and we are prepared to handle them should they arise.
We basically give people the benefit of the doubt as far as weeding out fakes. We do enjoy a nice phone chat before meeting but don't always require it. We plan our meetings in a public place and if it goes all wrong or we have bad vibes we simply remove ourselves from the situation and continue our evening together, no loss.
One can plan, prepare etc...for a swinging encounter but ANYTHING unexpected can present itself, that is just how it happens.
Keep the "what if's" at bay as well as the "should we" "should they's" and stick to your guidelines as a couple, that is what is most important.
I have learned through the years that there are legitimate reasons why people do not post pics and yes, there are wives that allow their husbands to play alone.
There is no set golden rule to swinging, it is what you make it to be for YOU! Use common sense, listen to your gut feelings and HAVE FUN!! That's really it!!!
Ohhh Lawwwdddd did I get off topic again? lmao
Smooches,
Gin
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RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
You are right though Gin....this is not to be a major stressful thing....relax and enjoy. We were going to post more pics but decided that until a connection has been mad, our sexy pics will remain private. Just reading all of this has put fear of people taking pics and using them for whatever they use them for. So for us, the trading of pics would be only if there is a strong connection . We have no problem sending head shots, just so people see that we are in fact real. This situation of fake people and those who just look at pics should really understand that there are people who really want this form of exploring a side of themselves and by not being truthful just puts a bitter feeling out there....kinda kills the passion of swinging.
there is the rant....sorry
Shannon&Maurie |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
@kkdarlin, lol you're welcome |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
we have been on swingtowns for about a month and still have never met another couple on here in person. We both have busy lifestyles but are trying to meet another couple help us out please
Sam and Paul |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
We have been on this site about 18 months and meet several couples for dinner and/or drinks. To date we have played with no one from here but meet some nice people.
Our play partners came from a different site that we no longer use as well as a club we attend regularly.
We do not consider ourselves fakes but some may depending on your definition. We truly enjoy the lifestyle in all aspects which for us plays heavy on friendships and social events with or without play and for us it is mostly without.
We are not bedpost notchers, although we are not closed to the idea of playing on a first meet we tend to travel down the road of friendship first and repeats rather than one offs.
We have validated all but one couple we have meet on here. I think paying VS free members weeds out a lot of people. I am also very good at weeding after a few emails or IM's. |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
When my fiancee' and I are looking for another couple or girl to play with, we've found we get a large amount of feedback - but many of these always just feel 'off'. Things like they will ask us for naughty photos, and then they'll send back a handful of pictures of a girl that was clearly scanned out of Playboy or stolen from another web site. It seems like the quickest way to see if someone is real or fake, when they have no testimonials, is like licmypus said - get the username written on a piece of paper (or the body of the other user) and get some photos that way. Or go on cam. Hard to fake being a couple when you're both there. ;)
Unfortunately, whenever I am searching by myself - mind you, my fiancee' is perfectly fine with me searching for others on my own, she just isn't always interested in finding new partners as often as I am - we have found that many people seem to just ignore me. Most likely because they think I am fake. So the fakers have rather ruined it for the rest of us. |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
So many couples come and go in this lifestyle for their own reasons so it is tough to make those connections on line. We have only played with those in our local club. The club gives us a chance to meet many couples and get to know them and then choose who we are interested in. We find it much less awkward than meeting people you don't know 2 on 2 for a date. But thats us. We do use this site and 3 others to give others the knowledge we have learned and maybe get them into the club...then we can meet and if there is no vibe...move on to the next couple! We are also on Twitter as couple4u2108 :) |
RE: Weeding Out the Fakes
Forgot also we use these siteS to find unicorns since the club is couples only...BWAHAHAHA! |
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